Mum looked beautiful, too, in a white flared suit with her long dark hair pinned up, a daisy chain draped across her forehead. My bridesmaid dress was a chiffon floral affair and that day I truly felt like a princess.The day Jermaine and Mum got married was the happiest of my life. My biological father had been a feckless loser, waltzing out of our lives when I was three months old. I’d always wanted a father so when Jermaine married my mum, I felt like he was officially my Dad. When he said he wanted to adopt me, I was over the moon.I was sixteen when I saw Mum and Jermaine having sex. I’d arrived home early from school because there was a teacher’s meeting. Obviously, I wasn’t expected and they hadn’t even shut their bedroom door. I caught a glimpse of Jermaine fucking Mum from behind and I thought how good his dark skin looked against my Mum’s pale porcelain flesh.I quickly and quietly retreated to my bedroom, tiptoeing across the landing. However, I couldn’t get the image out of. I would stand at my father's side, watch him begin anew, and then pass like the happy little footnote I always supposed I'd be. Then I could return south. Back to the meaningless high school existence I knew. One thing was for certain. I would not be coming back.That night I crawled into bed, and pressed my face into my pillow. It was worn the way I liked it. I'd have to take it with me. And how fitting that it be the only goddamn thing I take. In a few moments my lids became so weighted with that old familiar self-pity, that I let them fall and rode that dragon of teen emo-angst into sleep.I dreamt I was at a carnival. I was watching a horrible magician perform magic tricks with playing cards. The guy was so obvious that a couple times he nearly dropped the card after making it 'disappear' behind his hand. For his final trick, he had everyone come close. I wanted to tell him maybe we should move back. Or better yet, close our eyes, just to make it more believable. Or bearable, I'm.
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